I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
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