You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
