I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
my sisters under your porch take her home
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Randomize
