i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Randomize
