Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
