Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Randomize
