Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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