absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
