Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize
