Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
