Jerry, you need to find god
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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