She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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