I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
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