hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
