It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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