sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
