I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
