So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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