oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
