I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
