walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
