who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
