i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
