I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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