Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
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