somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
