Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
