My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
