census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
sex in a hospital.. check
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
