I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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