also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
