I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
