I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
