My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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