i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
