Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
