i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
