im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
