It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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