My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Randomize
