I hate your face
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
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