You're so nebulous sometimes
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
