Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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