quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
