My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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