He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
You ate ashes out of my bong
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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