He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
