Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Randomize
