i jhust puked up my retainher.
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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