I need help removing her.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
