Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
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