We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
