I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Randomize
