she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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