so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Why is there bacon in the couch?
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
